I used to think music was divided into two categories, Michael Jackson music and others. Today, my single most important musical influence, Michael Jackson, died at the age of 50. When I first saw the news online, I thought it was just another unfounded rumor that seemed to pop up every now and then. But when I began to see it on the headlines of several other online news sources, I began to fear that this might have some truths in it. However, I still did not believe he died; I thought that he probably was in a “deep coma” as some of the news sources said as  his death was still not confirmed by the hospital. I was hoping that a spokesperson would come out from the hospital and say, “Mr. Jackson was suffering a mild coma, but has recovered from it. He will fully recover from it in a few weeks and will be fine.” However, the CNN channel, who gave me a strand of hope by flashing a line of text saying that they could not independently confirm his death,  eventually confirmed that he was dead.

I still remember the first time I “officially” got to hear Michael Jackson’s music. It was at a bookstore in Korea where they played “You are not alone” in the Blood On the Dance Floor album. I was in 5th grade, and when I heard that song that day I thought it was the best song I’ve ever heard in my life. When I went home, I asked my parents to take me to a big record store at 교보문고 so I could buy his CD. When I went to 교보문고 I bought his HIStory album, a two-CD album with the first CD with his greatest hits and the 2nd CD with his new songs. And I still remember the moment when I excitedly unwrapped the CD and put the first CD into the CD player of the car. The first song that played was “Billie Jean” and I still remember that weird feeling like butterfly inside of me when I heard that simple drum beat followed by the groovy bassline. The rest is history.

From that point on, I literally listened to his songs EVERY DAY. I went on to buy his other albums and some of his Jackson 5, the Jacksons era albums, some of his singles, and the Moonwalker VCD with his music videos. I watched his videos almost everyday even into my middle school years, and showed his videos to my friends whenever they came over to my house. I brought his CD to school so that they could play it through the school speaker system during lunch (my middle school played songs through the school speakers if students brought any song that they wanted to play during lunch time so that the whole school could hear it). I watched his videos like ten thousand times until I could learn the Moonwalk. Eventually I did learn it and that was one of the happiest moments in my life. While other kids were doing breakdance like Nike and stuff, I was trying to learn the Moonwalk. Words got out that I could do Moonwalk, so during classes, teachers would ask me to come out into the front and to do the Moonwalk in front of my classmates. I even made a webpage about Michael Jackson. It was one of the few Michael Jackson websites in Korea at the time.  I happily uploaded his news, photos that I scrambled from all over the internet, and his lyrics.  I would spend hours trying to find his obscure unreleased songs online.  He was just a HUGE part of my life. When I heard that Michael Jackson was coming to Korea to perform (Michael Jackson & Friends – What More Can I Give), I bought the ticket right away. I even skipped class that day so I could go to the concert. Although it was the cheapest seats and could barely see him with naked eyes, it was one of the most exciting moment of my life. I still remember that excitement that almost exploded my heart, right before he made his first appearance (he always has a very dramatic appearance, below is the footage of the very concert I went to, you can hear people going crazy as he walks toward the front of the stage).

Although I could barely see him, I didn’t care. I was with him at the same place, at the same time!

When I came to U.S., his long-waited album Invincible came out in 2001. On the release date, I went to the local Borders so I could buy the CD, but they hadn’t even put it out on the shelf yet, so they had to go to the storage room in the back and take one out for me.

Since then, I’ve been waiting for his new album. I’ve been checking the news almost every day to see if he’s going to post the release date for his new album. Although I was not boing to be able to attend his series of 50 sold-out concerts in London, I was looking forward to seeing the footage of the shows. He was the ONLY musician whose new album I looked forward to and waited for. Now that he’s gone, I don’t know what else to look forward to in music, because there is no one else that even compares to him, no one.

You will live through your music in our hearts.